What concerned them most was the absence, dysfunction, or loss of social connections. People described their regrets about relationships much more intensely than those about careers and other nonsocial aspects of their lives. (Regrets about financial missteps rank just below these love and work regrets.) My research with Mike Morrison and Kai Epstude, for example, surveyed over 1,300 people across five studies and found that people’s largest regrets revolved around relationships and career. Psychological research has examined what adults tend to regret later in life, and there is a clear pattern of top regrets centering on love and work - that is, romantic, family, and friend relationships on the one hand and career, work, and education on the other hand. The problem becomes all too clear when you look at how regretful people tend to feel about losing touch with friends. In a recent meta-analysis of 148 studies, having strong social relationships was associated with a 50% reduction in risk of mortality.īut maintaining close friendships is increasingly a challenge for ambitious professionals. We are less likely to catch a cold or suffer from acute stress responses if we have a solid network of friends. And beyond the psychological benefits, friendships can influence our basic physiology, as shown by studies that link social connections to cellular-level protection against disease. The number and strength of our friendships has long been a consistent predictor of emotional well-being. These people are critical for both our psychological and physical well-being. Psychologists define close friends as those nonrelatives whose birthdays we celebrate, with whom we discuss intimate matters such as work or marital stress, and whom we might call upon for help with a move or a medical emergency. Basic research tells us this is so, yet many who focus on their careers run the risk of losing touch with their closest social connections. Everything we do to succeed in our careers is improved when we’re supported by a foundation of strong, stable friendships.
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